International Overdose Awareness Day – A Date I Wish Meant Nothing To Me
posted on August 31, 2019
It’s hard to describe what it feels like to lose somebody close to you, especially to something that feels as preventable as a drug overdose. On June 13th of 2019, I learned that my sister had passed away from a fentanyl overdose. We didn’t even know she was using fentanyl. And honestly, I will never understand why she would gamble on her life like that, knowing all too well what could be the outcome.
It breaks my heart that I can’t call my sister anymore. It breaks my heart that she’s no longer with us. I wish losing someone was as easy as seeing a ghost appear in a movie with the ability to have a conversation with them on demand, but it isn’t that simple and never will be.
My sister and I weren’t all that close, but we were family. It was just me and her - no other siblings. Growing up, we had on and off periods of being close, but it was tough being 5 years apart. Over the last several years, we formed a closer relationship as I continuously tried to help her in her struggle with addiction. She spent the last few years in and out of recovery houses and had many ups and downs. But overall, while we knew it wouldn’t be easy, we thought she was going to make it. She had worked very hard to get back partial custody of her son, and just had her first overnight visitation in May. She loved her son more than anything in the world, and she told me that almost every time we talked.
People are ignorant when they say drug addiction is a choice. I can confidently say, that if it were up to my sister, she would’ve beaten her addiction a long time ago. I kept my silence for a long time when I saw social media posts expressing their disgust with addicts overdosing or clinics giving away free Narcan. But I refuse to do this anymore, because NARCAN SAVES LIVES. And if someone were with my sister during her overdose and could have administered Narcan, she might still be here with us today.
A Choice or a Disease?
At first, initial drug use may be a choice, but depending on how you’re wired, neuro pathways can quickly change and lead to substance abuse. Certain drugs like opiates affect the brain tremendously and studies are being done all over the world to clearly identify how these changes can lead to addiction. Further, it is thought that over half of the risk of developing a substance abuse disorder is genetic. Studies are now identifying specific genes with the long term goal of establishing prescription pain management with risk for addiction in mind.
I will always wonder what was the difference between me and my sister. We were raised in the same household and given the same opportunities from childhood to adulthood. But for some reason, she ended up with an uncontrollable addiction and I didn’t. We had similar friend groups in high school and I did my fair share of partying, but I never felt compelled to push the limits the way my sister did. I guess I’ll never know why.
We are all here on this earth to learn many lessons- some of us can make it to the other side of those lessons and some of us can’t. I’d like to think of Amanda’s life as a lesson. And while she didn’t overcome that lesson, we can still learn from it. Amanda didn’t have the resources, and my family didn’t have the money to pay for a top-notch rehab in a private facility. Her recovery was spent in mostly state-funded facilities that cut inpatient stays off at around 28 days. And while I’m not extending the blame to these programs because we certainly need any help we can get, it breaks my heart that a lot of addicts lose their lives to something that is treatable because they cannot afford the type of treatment necessary to really re-wire those damaged neuro pathways and subconscious beliefs that predispose them to addiction in the first place.
Today is international overdose awareness day.
Today, I want to raise awareness. I want people to know that just because somebody dies of an overdose, it does not mean they wanted to die. They had a disease and sometimes that disease wins. I find strength in knowing her soul is at peace and no longer suffering. And I can sleep at night knowing that I never pushed my sister’s hand away and never would. On this day, I will always remember her, what she meant to me, and what her life can mean for others.
In Loving Memory of Amanda Lynn Davis | 04.16.84-06.13.19
For more information, visit https://www.overdoseday.com